Women's Finance

[ March 8, 2000 ]

If You Don't Ask, You Don't Get

By Sarah Wilson (cercefool)

Did you know that it's been thirty years since Equal Pay legislation was introduced in this country? Thirty years! It might as well have been introduced yesterday for all the effect it's had since, three decades later, women are still earning on average twenty percent less than men ⁽ⁱ⁾.

It may be illegal to pay a woman less for doing the same job as a man, but employers still wriggle around the law by segregating jobs by gender and giving women more "junior" sounding job titles such as "secretary" or "assistant".

In the new flexible economy, employees are increasingly required to negotiate their own pay level and increases. And this is where women's traditional roles and the subliminal messages that society still sends out about "femininity" can come into direct conflict with women's pursuit of economic equality.

The work which women have undertaken within the home has generally been unpaid, and attempts have only been made in recent years to try to give this work some sort of economic value. Women have been asked to cook, clean and raise children not for financial reward, but out of love and generosity.

Given that their "reward" for work has generally been seen as emotional, women have often been ill-equipped to deal with financial negotiations. Many end up using emotional means to secure what they want -- pleading, sulking, nagging, bursting into tears and so on. Emotional negotiation techniques have generally been of little use in the home, and are, of course, detrimental in the workplace. After all, who wants to get a reputation for being a tantrum queen?

However, many women feel uncomfortable adopting the often aggressive stance used by some men to succeed in the business world. Many women are now rejecting the "talk like Mrs Thatcher and wear a man's suit" path, choosing to find a "Third Way" which allows them to be assertive without falling into male social patterns. Negotiation is a skill like any other and can be practised and mastered. Here are a few pointers to help you get your point across in pay negotiations.

The 4-Step Pay Negotiation Guide

Step One -- Knowledge is Power

Research has shown that women generally undervalue the work they do in monetary terms. One American study showed that the amount by which women underestimated their worth was actually roughly equivalent to the male-female pay gap at the time ⁽ⁱⁱ⁾! Corporate rules on pay "confidentiality" also make it very difficult to gauge how much your colleagues are being paid compared to you. If you don't feel you can ask anyone you work with about their pay, try looking around at job advertisements in your field to see what the going rate is.

Step Two -- Be Prepared

Try to get a negotiation slot that is convenient to you. Your boss may try the old trick of catching you on your way to a meeting or appearing at your desk when you are clearly busy. You need to be unflustered and calm if you are to do your best. Arrange an appointed time -- and a pre-agreed amount of time that will allow you to put your case. Remember how important this is to you and that you deserve your boss's full attention.

Armed with as much information about the current pay climate in your industry as you can muster, you will also need to be able to sell your good points and play down your weaknesses. When confronted with a request for money, some bosses may conveniently remember your one failure and forget your twenty successes in the past year. Remind them.

On now to the last two steps and probably the most important ones...

Step Three -- ...Because You're Worth It

Take the initiative and open the bidding. You've got an idea from your research about how much you want, but of course, you are going to ask for more. You are trying to "push" the price up, your boss will be trying to "push" the price down -- this is the essence of negotiation. How high you open the bidding is up to you, but the higher you go, the more room for manoeuvre. Can you go in too high? Depends, as the example below illustrates:

I was once offered a job in deepest Cumbria, not far from Sellafield. I really didn't fancy it, so when the agent asked how much I wanted, I doubled my usual rate to get rid of him. He came back with 80% of what I'd asked for. Note that in this case, I was prepared to walk away. Pitching high can also show that you mean business and should be taken seriously.

The key here is to detach yourself emotionally from the proceedings. Try to treat it as a game, as many men do. You may be accused of being "pushy" or "demanding" but then women rarely get paid more for being "nice".

Like any poker player, you need to know your limits. If you know you can flounce off because you already have two good job offers in the bag, you can bargain as hard as you like. If this is your last opportunity to save the family home from repossession, your bargaining strength will be curtailed.

Bear in mind that these limits will apply to the other side in the negotiation too. If you are the only programmer in the company who knows how the overnight mortgage interest calculations work you can probably bargain harder than if you are one of four hundred call centre staff in a high unemployment area.

Step Four -- Mean What You Say and Say What You Mean

Be clear. Be firm. Be strong.

Don't fudge your message with apologies or well I wouldn't mind if you could possibly that'd be nice but don't trouble yourself because I know you're busy and there have been a lot of redundancies here so I know there's pressure on costs but Bob got a raise last month and Smiths' have got an advert in the paper this week for staff so I'd be really grateful... Still listening? Your boss won't be.

Don't allow yourself to be deflected from your goal. If you have children yourself or have spent any time in a supermarket lately, you'll notice how brats have no qualms about asking for anything. They use the "Broken Record" technique -- repeating the request over and over and over again, ad infinitum. And "Pester Power" works.

I've found "Broken Record" really effective in all sorts of situations, from telling my husband I want a curry tonight to getting rid of salesmen. Just keep your voice calm and repeat your request, which should be fairly short, but not abrupt. Partners and mothers make good practice victims.

Finally, don't let the situation get to you and certainly not where you can be seen (malicious female colleagues can have a nasty habit of spreading "I saw so and so bawling in the loos" tales). If you want a good cry, go home and watch Ghost or something (although that film always makes me howl with laughter, so it may cheer you up).

If all this fills you with dread, it may help to "role-play" with a friend beforehand. Get your friend to be really, really nasty. Your worst fears are unlikely to be realised.

If that doesn't help, you may want to enrol on an assertiveness course. Yeah, seriously. Far from feeling like a prat, you'll actually find yourself in the company of very capable women, who share and understand your concerns.

Society has traditionally cast women in the role of the Martyr, dutifully slaving away in the hope that her benevolence and purity will be rewarded by a handsome prince. Just like when you first learned to walk, negotiation skills improve over time, and you may have to fall on your backside a bit. But gradually, you will be able to move towards taking control of your financial well-being, without kissing any frogs.

Related Links
• Women's Finance & Investing discussion board

Books on Women, Assertiveness and Money (links to Amazon.co.uk)
• Annette Lieberman & Vicki Lindner: Unbalanced Accounts, Penguin, 1987 (revised as The Money Mirror)
• Michael and Mimi Donaldson: Negotiating For Dummies IDG, 1996
• Vera Peiffer: Positive Thinking Element, 1989
• Roger Fisher: Getting to Yes Penguin, 1991
• Susan Jeffers: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway Arrow 1991

Job Searches on the Web
• http://www.jobserve.co.uk/ -- IT-related jobs
• http://www.monster.co.uk/ -- general jobs, has special medical section
• http://www.reed.co.uk/ -- temporary and permanent jobs
• http://www.fish4jobs.co.uk/ -- general job database
• http://www.jobsunlimited.co.uk/ -- The Guardian's job website

ⁱ The New Earnings Survey, Office of National Statistics, October 1999
ⁱⁱ Annette Lieberman: Unbalanced Accounts, Penguin, 1987

© 2000 Aldur Systems Ltd

Women's Finance is published every Wednesday.