Ungrateful bankers should take their bat and ball and go elsewhere.
If there is one thing guaranteed to upset investment bankers, it's meddling with their bonuses.
In that respect, I congratulate Chancellor Alistair Darling for doing just that in yesterday's Pre-Budget Report.
There will be a one-off 50% tax on bank bonuses of more than £25,000. It will now cost a bank £162,800 to provide an employee with a bonus of £59,000 after tax, compared to £112,800 yesterday, said Jill Storey, a partner at KPMG on Bloomberg.
A Preposterous Tax
Bankers immediately went on the offensive, with Barclays (LSE: BARC) labelling the tax as "unwarranted" and the CBI saying it was a "serious mistake".
In a City wine bar late last night, one investment banker allegedly slurred "This is preposterous. What have I done to deserve this? This never happened to Daddy during his time with Carter, Lizard and Silverman. Why don't they tax footballers? They earn far more than us and haven't even got half our brains. Hick…burp…"
Emotions are clearly running high. From what I've seen, the arguments against the tax surround the competitiveness of London as one of the financial capitals of the world. The theory goes that banks, and banking employees, will take their considerable (in their eyes) talent to other parts of the world where the tax regime is much more friendly.
Go Abroad Dear Bankers
Tell someone who cares. We should not be held to ransom by a bunch of bankers threatening to leave our shores. Let them go, if they dare. Because you know what? They are not going anywhere.
London is in the perfect time zone for traders to do their business. As well as being in the zone for European markets, US markets open at 2.30pm our time and close at 9pm our time. It's a trading extravaganza, and as an added bonus, the 9pm finish gives the wide boys just enough time to down a bottle of Dom Perignon at a City wine bar before heading home to Chelsea for the evening.
Be Grateful You've Got A Job
Missing from banker's arguments is that if it wasn't for world governments keeping them afloat just over a year ago, and if it wasn't for the Bank of England cutting interest rates to 0.5%, and if it wasn't for the Bank pumping £200 billion bank into the system via quantitative easing, the bankers wouldn't even have a job, let along worry about bonuses being taxed at 50%.
What do you say to that, you bankers? The silence is deafening.
More Banker Bashing
Now I'm the first to admit Banker Bashing is an easy target, and a popular one at that. Bankers no doubt call people like me envious of their bonuses, their wealth and their trophy wives, amongst other perhaps slightly more derogative terms, like "uneducated, journalistic soap dodger."
Go ahead, let me have it in the comment boxes below. But you can't deny the simple facts -- no job, no bonus.
I've criticised Alistair Darling's last budget, calling it a joke budget from hell. Maybe I was too harsh, although as UK PLC is taking on water, you have to question why on earth bingo duty needed to be cut from 22% to 20%? Get out your bottles of blue rinse and get down to your local High Street bingo parlour. The more you lose, the more you save…
But I digress. Back to the bankers…
Cap Those Bonuses
Darling said in Parliament yesterday "There are some banks who still believe their priority is to pay substantial bonuses. I am giving them a choice. They can use their profits to build up their capital base. If they insist on paying substantial rewards, I am determined to claw money back for the taxpayer."
Fair enough too. Except, as shadow chancellor George Osborne said, "We warned (Darling) they should stop big cash bonuses. They are going to pay out a load of bankers' bonuses they shouldn't have been paying in the first place."
In the past, I've said banking bonuses should be capped, and especially in the case of majority government owned Royal Bank of Scotland (LSE: RBS), should be deferred or averaged over 5 years. The Darling Bonus Plan is probably the best that could have been done in a short space of time.
Roll On 2010
But more needs to be done. A year can be a long time in politics, particularly as we have a general election due by early June 2010. It can also be a long time in the high octane, high risk, high blood pressure world of investment banking.
Let's see what 2010 brings for the stock market, and for banking profits. It could be a whole lot more challenging than the long-hops that have been bowled at traders this year. Bonus time 2010 might be interesting.
More on the economy and the markets:
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> Bruce Jackson did not get any Government assistance to stay afloat last year at a time when his share portfolio was being hammered every single day. He does not intend to pay himself a bonus for 2009, despite him making good profits. He also does not have an interest in any of the companies mentioned in this article.