FOOL'S EYE VIEW
Is Dying An Expensive Business?

By Jane Mack (TMFJane)
August 10, 2004

Two weeks ago my mother-in-law died. She'd been ill for some time so it wasn't unexpected and, to be honest, her poor quality of life meant that dying was something she had genuinely been looking forward to. In fact, her favourite phrase in recent months had been "I can't wait to wake up dead".

You'll gather from my opening paragraph that this ain't exactly going to be a cheery article - but it might, at least, prove informative. Unfortunately death is not something we like to talk about much so when it happens, those left behind often find themselves chucked in at the deep end with little idea about what to do next and, especially, how much things cost.

From a financial point of view we started running up bills the day after she died. My father-in-law wanted announcements put in the Times and the Telegraph, as well as the local newspaper, since that was often where they found out about the deaths of old friends they'd lost touch with. It was expensive so I ended up putting much of the bill on my 0% credit card. The Times charged £148 for nine lines of text while the Telegraph wanted £113 for six lines (they've got wider columns so the same text was cheaper). The local newspaper charged a mere £16.50.

Next we had to pay a visit to the local Registrar for Births, Marriages and Deaths. You can't go ahead with the funeral until the death has been registered and you've collected what's known as the 'Green Form' for the funeral directors. Also, banks and insurance companies usually want a certified copy of the Death Certificate before they'll release any funds (photocopies aren't 'legal' enough) so we asked the Registrar for 10 of them at a cost of £3.50 each.

My mother-in-law had been talking about dying for so long that we thought her wishes for the funeral had been made clear - to someone. Who, we never discovered, so we had to make it up as we went along.

Thankfully, there was no problem choosing the funeral director. Our local department store does funerals and we figured that, as she had spent an absolute fortune with them when she was alive, it was entirely appropriate they should arrange her funeral too. She'd have been amused by that and, I'll wager, wholly in agreement with our logic.

All we knew, though, was that she wanted a small private cremation with only immediate family present. So when the funeral director asked us who we wanted to lead the service (religious or not?), what music should be played and what flowers they should supply, we looked askance at each other and ended up having to make an educated guess.

Out of interest, here's the estimate of costs and disbursements they gave us (the final invoice hasn't come through yet but we're not expecting it to be any different):

As it was a cremation there were no charges for what they euphemistically call 'hygienic treatment' or for the cemetery, church or gravedigger. And, we'd already arranged the notices in newspapers. We also sorted out the flowers ourselves and had them delivered to the funeral director on the day - the cost amounted to £65.

There were also so few of us at the funeral (eight of us) that there was no hooley afterwards. We just had a cup of tea and a few sandwiches from the local supermarket back at our place. It all sounds a bit dismal except it wasn't - it was just right.

Our total costs to date, therefore, are £1,958, which, ultimately, will be paid for out of my mother-in-law's estate.

So, the question is, do you think that a couple of grand for a funeral and associated costs provide value for money?

My husband and I think it's a fairly reasonable amount and even my father, who is notoriously careful with his money, thought it was fair. In fact, he was surprised the coffin was so cheap until I pointed out that, after some probing, the funeral director had told me it was made out of thinly veneered chipboard and the 'brass' handles were plastic to ensure they would melt during the cremation. (And, yes, we did enquire about environmentally friendly cardboard coffins but it turns out they're more expensive to make and only come in one size - i.e.: big).

I suppose the only thing I found surprising was how smoothly everything went. It appears that the business of death is treated with such respect that those in all parts of the industry simply don't allow anything to go wrong. For example, the florist just asked for my mother-in-law's name, the flowers we wanted and the name of the funeral director before saying 'Don't worry - leave the rest to me'. She didn't even need to know the date the flowers were needed for - she found out for herself. No doubt some people have experienced the occasional cock-up but, thankfully, we didn't.

I would say, however, that I wish my mother-in-law had been clearer about the specifics for her funeral so we hadn't had to second-guess her so much. We're pretty sure, though, that she'd have been thrilled with my husband's choice of the Incredible String Band's Hedgehog's Song as the pallbearers carried her into the chapel. She really liked the silliness of that song.