Wedding Costs Part II

Having already looked at the issues and general costs of getting married, we'll now look in a bit more detail about planning the actual ceremony to get the best out of the day without starting married life in Skid Row.

If you would like to marry in Church, talk to your local vicar as soon as you plan to get married to check that he/she can and will marry you, confirm availability, and to get an idea of costs. Although the Church of England is now moving towards accepting the marriage of divorcees, vicars may still choose not to marry couples if they are not regular members of the congregation, for example. Churches tend to lend themselves to larger, and therefore more expensive, weddings; so watch out for hidden extras like flowers, choirs and bells. Do you really want to spend £200 -- £300 extra just so the congregation can listen to Mrs Leadbetter coaxing a tune out of an asthmatic organ while the choir -- who clearly look the type to enjoy Morris Dancing in their spare time -- struggle to be heard above the wheezing?

If you are not concerned about having a Church marriage, you can get a lot more flexibility with licensed premises. These vary dramatically in every aspect, including cost. You can search for licensed premises nationwide at www.confetti.co.uk. Ring up the local Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths anywhere in the country and they will send the full list of licensed venues in their area free of charge.

The National Trust has a wide selection of cute premises, but prices are steep compared to hotels or community centres -- from around £500+ to hire the room for the ceremony only. You can search for National Trust properties here.

Some Local Authorities own rather grand properties that can be hired quite cheaply, so it is always worth giving them a ring -- you may be pleasantly surprised. These properties will often have kitchens and bars, which makes them ideal for larger, buffet-style receptions. Room hire is often charged by the hour.

Hotels with wedding licences will often offer a discount for your room hire if you have both the ceremony and reception there. Hotels will often lend you a cake stand and knife, print place cards and so on, but if they charge for this then check against prices elsewhere. Hotels may also offer discounts for guests who stay overnight, or offer a free room to the bride and groom (but put your new mother-in-law in the local Travelodge!).

Whether you want a small room at a hotel or your own personal castle for the day, shop around. Some venues have an inflated opinion of their scenic value. Before you book any venue, check it out in person first. You will need to get an accurate idea of the room's size, quality of décor, light level, ambient temperature, even smell, as brochure descriptions can be a little optimistic. Also bear in mind the location of your chosen venue against the present location of you and your guests -- if you want to marry in Derbyshire and live in Surrey, there will be travel and accommodation costs to add into the final bill.

If you are marrying at a licensed premises as opposed to a Register Office, you will get slapped with a Registrar's attendance fee, which can be over £200. Weekday ceremonies are often cheaper. You can pad the ceremony out with non-religious poems and songs if you feel you need to get your money's worth.

Now we come to the only true record you'll ever have of the day. The photographs! Allow around £500-600 for this. It's vital to examine the previous work of prospective photographers with a critical eye. Try to look beyond the setting or the bride's poor dress sense and get a feel for the actual composition of the photograph, the exposure level and colours. You can't make a silk purse out of a pig's ear, but if even relatively elegant brides look plain and dumpy, you have to question the skills of the photographer -- taking pictures involves a lot more than pointing the camera in the right direction and pressing a button.

Beware of inflexible photographers ("I don't do indoor photos"), grumpy photographers who won't like your guests taking their own photos, and worst of all, photographers who charge per exposure. Consider sitting for a studio portrait, particularly if your wedding party is very small. But, if you've got guests, don't keep them waiting too long -- it may be fun for you posing prettily as your veil whips around your face in the wind but it's boring for those waiting for you to finish so they can get on to the reception and the drinkies!

Wedding presents are not mandatory, but if your friends and relatives do want to get something, wedding lists are the best way to avoid 20 toasters. Although many shops offer this service, how about a notebook with rip-out pages, one item written on each page? Try to have a good variety of gifts on the list, as some people may not have as flexible a budget as others. In many cultures it's perfectly acceptable to give hard cash -- some pin notes to the bride's gown, some give cash in decorative envelopes. Apart from being ultimately flexible, cash can be given in a way which has a nice ring of anonymity; useful if not everyone can afford the Gucci luggage you wanted. If children are present or imminently planned, anyone other than parents can put cash gifts into an investment fund for them instead, without tax penalties.

Anything involved with the "W" ceremony, particularly if it's in white, tends to fetch a premium -- the dreaded "wedding tax". If possible, try to avoid special wedding packages or services if they don't really seem to offer anything extra. Beware of "tie-ins", such as the wedding cars who insist on supplying their own flowers. The less "traditional" your wedding, the more freedom you have to use your own imagination and creativity and you steer clear of the "wedding tax" into the bargain. If the customary meringue isn't your style, have a look at the evening wear available as this may be particularly appropriate for an informal wedding. Teenage bridesmaids will probably love you forever if, instead of the ubiquitous violet frilled lampshade, you dress them in a stylish ballgown or evening dress that will be wearable on other occasions. Bridesmaid's dresses have a habit of resurfacing years later at University balls.

Avoid like the plague any florist, dress shop, caterer or anyone else who tries to make you ashamed or embarrassed about how much you're spending -- spend only what you think is appropriate, not what they would like you to. High levels of expenditure are not a status symbol, an indication of wealth, or a magic charm to bless your nuptial union. For every celebrity OK! spread with cherubs in attendance, there is a grunge chic couple who have pie and chips at the local pub.

So, a final quick guide to a Foolish wedding:

• Decide your budget and stick to it.
• Before buying any information or advice, check whether a local authority or religious organisation will give it to you for free.
• Shop around.
• Be critical and bargain hard.
• Don't confuse "white" with "ivory" or wedding dress saleswomen will become very upset.
• Keep a poker face -- beware of high pressure sales tactics.
• Be creative.
• Remember whose day it is and who's the boss!