Foolish Special

[ Thursday, August 19, 1999]

A Ramper Writes

...to Alan Oscroft (TMFAlan)

Fools, do we believe in democracy? Do we want to hear all opinions, no matter what they are? Well, we recently received the following missive from a disgruntled ramper, and we decided it was in everyone's best interest to publish it for all to see and judge. We think there is something to be learned for all of us here.

The Rampers' Charter

By Rampmeister (real name withheld by request)

It has become apparent to me that, on the Motley Fool site, despite the general high quality of your readers' message board posts, the quality of ramping on the site is just not up to the standard of many of your competitors. Though your apparently vast army of potential rampers must bear most of the blame for this, I feel that you, the official Fools, have to take some of the responsibility onto your own shoulders too. You have, apparently, been spending all of your time attempting to educate people in the ways of the Wise so that they can parry their thrusts and avoid their entrapments, to help them to manage their own finances and to make their own investment decisions. You also illustrate, through your own examples, how they can bring this all to a successful and profitable fruition. Educating us all in the ways of artificially inflating the share prices of companies we own by dishonest means, though, has so far been shamefully neglected. But no longer, for I intend to put that right. Once your readers have read my suggested guidelines below, they will be out there ramping those share prices like professionals. Here, then, distilled into seven simple rules, is my proposed Rampers' Charter....

Rule 1 -- Understand Your Objective

What is the objective of a ramper? It is quite simple really. Our aim is to increase the price of a share that we hold through dishonest means, so that we can sell out at a profit and let some other sucker take the loss. I really must stress the "dishonest" bit here. It's no good you whining when you don't win the Ramper of the Year award, going on about how you managed to push up a share price by discovering and publicising an undervalued and overlooked company. No, any Fool can do fundamental analysis. What sets a great ramper apart is the ability to push up the price of a share without any rational and fundamental support whatsoever. Fundamental analysts are restricted in their creativity by the facts, but we rampers are free, totally free, to create our wealth from nothing more than thin air. Ah, such freedom. We should use it well, we envied few.

Rule 2 -- Know Your Audience

Let's face it, the people we are aiming at aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, are they? But on the other hand, they can't be that stupid either, or they wouldn't be investing in the stock market at all, would they? No, if we go around thinking we are simply aiming for stupid people, then we will waste many a good opportunity. Our target audience, the people we are really after, are of average intelligence or above. They do tend to be a bit gullible though, and this is due to their innocent and trusting nature. What really identifies a great ramping target is ignorance. We should go for those people who are new to the investment scene and who are still a bit green. Get the ones who haven't been stung yet. And don't forget, the very nature of the medium we are choosing, the Internet, will itself cause many people to fall into our trap and listen to our silky smooth words. If we tried the same thing in a pub, we'd stand a good chance of getting a broken nose, but on the Internet we find people hanging off our every word.

Rule 3 -- Choose the Right Company

How well do you think we will succeed if we try to lubricate the BP Amoco share price, or make British Airways fly, or to ramp some other large company? Not very well, I can assure you. That's because the trading volume in such shares is far too big for any amount of ramping to make an impression. Suppose we get a nice old lady to invest all her savings in BT. Well, unless she is a multi-millionaire, that won't push the share price up a single farthing, will it? (And if she is a multi-millionaire, she isn't likely to fall for our feeble ranting in the first place now, is she?) So, we have to go for a very small company, one where a few deals of a thousand quid or so will make a significant difference, and that is why penny shares can provide such successful pickings for us. It's not just size that counts, though, we must find a company that not many people understand, and, most important of all, it really needs to be in an exciting new market with some nifty new technology. Suppose we have a go at ramping new European dairy produce startup, Fromages 'R' Us (LSE: CHEZ). How successful will that be, do you think? No, we should go for a company that makes something high tech. Small Internet or computer companies are just great, and if we can find one that has yet to make a profit, even better (no earnings for anyone to analyse, you see, so there'll be none of that bothersome P/E stuff getting in the way). And don't forget that a penny share crashing back to fair value isn't really a problem, if it does it in the sucker's portfolio, because an experienced ramper can milk the same company time and time again, with a different set of suckers each time.

Rule 4 -- Facts are for Losers

This rule is a pretty simple one, and it should be obvious, but many potential rampers fall foul of it. Simply put, we don't reveal any information about the company that can be verified, no matter how small. It will only encourage people to go and check for themselves, and our game will surely be up. Revealing the truth isn't really ramping anyway, it is called "fundamental analysis," don't forget, and is unworthy of a true ramper.

Rule 5 -- Lie Your Ass Off

Having resisted the temptation to reveal anything vaguely honest, the next step is to lie creatively. But beware! Don't say anything that can easily be proven to be incorrect. Don't say stuff like "Analysts are predicting 300% growth next year," because people will just have a look at the current forecasts on the Internet, and we will be undone. Always remember, the Internet can be our enemy as well as our friend, as it really helps Foolish people to verify our claims. No, stick to things that can't be checked. Tell people things like "I've heard, through a friend who is a broker/is preparing the press launch/is on the board/is supplying them with spare parts/was doing the catering for their recent board meeting, that there's some really great news due to be released next week, but my life won't be worth living if I betray the secret. Believe me, though, it's sure to send the share price rocketing when it gets out!"

Rule 6 -- Presentation, Presentation, Presentation

What immediate effect should our ramps have on people? They should grab their attention and make them sit up and take notice, shouldn't they? So it's no good going for weasly long sentences, using the correct grammar and punctuation that is so loved by fundamental analysts. No. Short sharp phrases! IN BIG LETTERS!! There, that made you jump, didn't it? Leaving out as many superfluous vowels and adjectives as possible, and using big letters, will instill that essential sense of urgency that we need to get people off their backsides and on the phone to their brokers. Don't forget the exclamation marks too. They really grab the attention and make people listen. LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!

Rule 7 -- Wear the Right Clothes

And finally, we must present ourselves correctly too. What do you think the effect will be if we go on to our favourite message boards and, using our own login names (that we have used for dozens, if not hundreds, of previous messages) proceed to ramp the hell out of a penny share? Even worse, what if we have filled in a personal profile telling people who we are? We'd be dead, wouldn't we? People will have all those previous messages to look back on and to judge us by. And worse, knowing who we are, our unfortunate prey might be able to track us down and get us. So my final advice is to always use a new login name, used just the once and then discarded, and whatever we do, we should never reveal any information about ourselves that could be used to track us down. And go for a good login name too, something like BIGPROFITS or INSIDER or FILLYERBOOTS (using capital letters again, of course) to make the greedy really want to read our posts.

There, Foolish rampers, do you feel empowered now? Well, what are you waiting for? GET RAMPING!!!!!!!!!!


OK Fools, so you've guessed it, this isn't a real post from a genuine ramper; but don't you think it could have been? From your experience of ramping (thankfully rare on the Motley Fool message boards, but quite common on others) don't you think this "Rampers' Charter" is pretty close to the way such people work? Take this to heart then, and don't get suckered. Whenever you see a message that is pushing a share particularly hard, and you have a twinge of suspicion, come back to the Rampers' Charter and look at things from the rampers' side. Know thine enemy, Fools. And when you see a blatant ramp, hit the Problem Post link and tell us how you think the ramper scores out of seven.